Twitter conversation with Barbara

To be read in reverse chronological order.

Thank you, Bernard for rounding off the conversation with your presence and sentiment.

@Disildoforus @MarieTherese39 ladies sorry to interupt, heading off and just wanted to say thank you both for sharing, I was following you.

  1. @Disildoforus I never seem to shut up. Am so unpopular in certain quarters, to the point of getting constantly ignored by a group of people.

  2. @Disildoforus Remember, next time you feel down and out – which is going to be all too soon, now that the Xmas season will soon be upon us, try to get out.

  3. Cor blimey, I’d best change the subject. Hardly want counsellors following me. They cling to survivors like peas to a pod. Can be unnerving.

  4. So, I keep telling my stories in spite of them going on deaf ears. People want to talk about trivial things that don’t stir their emotions.

  5. People get frightened when survivors talk about their horrendous past lives in institutions, to the point that they don’t reply to comments. 

  6. @Disildoforus So, so painful. I just block it all out. I went down that road once, and it took its toll. People don’t want to know survivors.

  7. @Disildoforus Need much guidance. However, emotional stuff keeps me from furthering writing aims. Blockage and frustration is indeed such a hinderance.

  8. @Disildoforus I was given name of father. I went looking for him after she died in the 90s. No luck until recently. Discovered next of kin. However, it turned out that I had met some of them when I went looking after my mother died.

  9. @Disildoforus I was told as a teen in Goldenbridge that I once had a mother, but that she was dead. I went searching for a grave in my late 20s.

  10. @Disildoforus I was living in London, and she was living just a hundred miles away in Birmingham. I freaked out completely. Terrifying shock. Took years to come somewhat too.

  11. @Disildoforus Arrived on doorstep of host-family who took me out for brief period from Goldenbridge. Subsequently discovered SHE WAS ALIVE.

  12. @Disildoforus I bled inside when bi-racial survivor told me about her rejection. I could empathise having also knocked on host family door.

  13. @Disildoforus Yes, to be cognisant of each others loss would be most helpful. Loss of one’s parents is the most profoundest loss on earth.

  14. @Disildoforus Another one was bi-racial. She went knocking on her two aunties’ door to introduce herself. When they saw her, they instantly rejected her. Painful.

  15. @Disildoforus Another victim was constantly sexually abused by her own father as a child. Her case nearly brought the Irish government down. She’s written a book about the case. She also has written some teddy bear novels.

  16. @Disildoforus… Another one was left on a church doorstep along with her sister by their granny. She met her mother briefly as a 17 years old. I went cold when she told me that miserable story.

  17. @Disildoforus One survivor lost mother as a child. Father was involved in bike accident when he was en-route from Kildare to visit four of his children in Goldenbridge.

  18. @Disildoforus Yes, I’d surmise that your mother’s death is triggering his old wounds. He lost his father; you lost your mother. It’s so sad.

  19. @Disildoforus Unbelievable sense of release. We let all our past pent up emotions drift off  safely into the sea air. So utterly cathartic.

  20. @Disildoforus It happened so suddenly. You were bereft of any sense of absorption of your mother dying. It came like a thief in the night.

  21. @Disildoforus …It was very therapeutic. To be recommended to all angst-ridden folk, and those in mourning after the loss of their dear mothers. When a mother goes, it can separate siblings in a big way.

  22. @Disildoforus I once drove a group of survivors of Industrial “Schools” and a paedophile incest victim to Brittas Bay, Co. Wicklow. We ran screaming along the beach. It was rather surreal and hilarious. Again to the dancing scene in Brian Friel’s play and film, Dancing at Lugnasa.

  23. @Disildoforus I remember a highly trained trauma counsellor regularly telling me to go into a vast open space, and let off steam. ‘Shout your head off.’ She did it herself with her daughters.

  24. @Disildoforus You are momentarily just one huge, open, festered, painful wound. The onus is on hubby to take that into deep consideration.

  25. @Disildoforus It’s definitely the reason behind it. The grieving process takes such a long time. Even as long as 3 years. You are so raw. 😦

  26. @Disildoforus You’re still in state of grieving process. You’ve got very little emotional resources left, and will therefore easily fly off the handle. There’s a reason for it, so don’t worry about not being nice, it’ll all mend itself, and balance out eventually.

     View conversation

Twitter Gobbledygook

Marie T O'LoughlinMarie T O’Loughlin ‏@MarieTherese39

I was talking old Goldenbridge institutional hat to myself in twitter-sphere, so brought conversation with myself over here, so as to continue on creating more punishment. The convoluted tweets are in no particular order. One must be in keeping with the fact that it is a convoluted stream of consciousness we’re dealing with here. I’m sure the high falutin’ self-professed geniuses out there would consider it ‘deranged’ language. Let’s be momentarily philosophical and just simply call it gobbledygook.

Give me a spoilt brat any day to a more insidious sadistic rival, who sucks the blood out of people to get on top of them. The brat is bold.

Asking people to like you never works. They either like you, or they don’t – period. I know that selfish spoiled brats were the bane of inmates lives.

If a GB child inmate was not liked by staff, it was inevitable that other inmates took it upon themselves to also steer clear. Survival rule.

“To those whom much is given much is expected.”[Luke 12:48] There are those who don’t draw people 2 give ’em attention. Charmless beings

Mustn’t let distractions get in way of studying. Will have to get down to studying Sylvia Plath’s poem about bee-box tomorrow. Great poet.

GB La La’s got best posh visitors, best attention, best of everything. They still wanted more time & more CARE. Staff PILED ON THE ATTENTION

Child inmates in Goldenbridge who licked up 2 untrained staff & nuns were disliked intensely by other inmates. They were referred 2 as LaLa’s.

Talking to myself is nothing new. It’s a way of life. I don’t possess the charm, wit or intelligence, or whatever it is that causes people to become popular and have people flocking to them, or creating gods out of them. I tried belonging to a group, but didn’t have sufficient education or psychosocial skills that would see me being accepted by the group. People got bored. It’s not uncommon for survivors of industrial schools to be constantly shunned by people. However, we do give reason for people to do so, when we sense that they are avoiding us, as we get too many triggers that reawaken old tormented wounds. To be continued..

Update on conversation with myself at twitter. 6/11/12

When you find people continually hero-worshipping, or perpetually trying to outdo others, the penny soon drops. Q&A = compensating for WHAT?

There were those who were sexually abused as children who frequented survivors of industrial *school* centres. The latter understood their mindsets.

I know empathy is given to survivors of industrial schools, because of traumatic lives. They in turn give leeway to other traumatised beings.

Survivors can instantly recognise NEEDY people in others. Esp. those appearing to lack in cognisance skills, re: emotionally damaged selves.

 A lot of survivors of industrial schools have lived with rejection since childhood, and can mostly weather rejection storms far better than pampered beings.

The more the barriers are blocked against some survivors of industrial schools, the more impetus they can find to keep pushing them back.

If you keep getting jelly all over you when picking it up, you’ll become a jelly laughing stock. Don’t say you’ve not been warned jelly folk

A rhyme Goldenbridsge inmates sang to a ball game, went: jelly on the plate, jelly on the plate; pick it up; pick it up, jelly on the plate.
Jelly on the floor, jelly on the floor pick it up; pick it up jelly on the floor. Jelly on your face, jelly on your face; lick it off; lick it off; jelly on your face. Jelly, all forlorn, jelly all forlorn, pick me up; pick me up; don’t wanna to be alone.

 I wonder if I too mended my ways, would I be treated to high tea in the parlour? Or, will it be just left-over pickings for the likes of me?

Baffles me to see those who’ve been bashing/sniping for years, being rewarded by getting high tea in the parlour, because they appear to have mended the error of their ways?

Just living up to my ‘deranged comments’ image?