Christmas Day

It’s Christmas day 2012. I’ve surprised myself by coming on here, even to announce it, as it is such an overwhelmingly emotional day, and is generally blocked out, as it’s very hard to communicate with myself, let alone other people.

Christmas day is the hardest day of the year contend with, and I know it is the same for other people in the same predicament, hence making the special effort to write what comes into the head this very moment in order to share it with other people who are on their own. Most especially, other survivors of Goldenbridge and other industrial schools.

Christmas-time is family oriented, and those who do not have any family, doubtless, will, just jolly well have to get on with it, irrespective, and make the most of it for themselves. A lot of people living on their own in Dublin go to the The Royal Dublin Society (R.D.S.) where they get a Christmas dinner and presents from celebrities and volunteers, who give up their time to help those of whom are on their own and lonely. I’ve availed of these kind of services from various outlets in the past. It helps one to realise that there are so many people like oneself alone at this vulnerable time of the year. There is also a sense of validation felt when one gets a Christmas gift, even if it’s not on a personal level, it’s better than not receiving a gift from anyone at all. It makes one feel they are like the next person who gets presents from friends and family.

People who have families can sometimes be the very first people to throw the “lonely” label at those who don’t conform to ‘their’ way of thinking and behaviour. “You must be very ‘lonely’, hence, why you resort to such and such kind of nasty behaviour?” The word, “loneliness”, “lonely” is used derogatorily by some with “families” to probably get at people for their bad behaviour. It appears that way to me, anyway. It’s almost as if being “lonely”  is such a totally evil disposition to find oneself. Or, that loneliness was a crime…or that loneliness was a dirty word to be used to ‘get at’ people who are perceived to be not nice. People with families should weigh their words properly before spouting them out irresponsibly by invoking… “you must be so “lonely” that you have to cause trouble in order to seek attention…? Or whichever way they may choose to express the LONELY word in order to (perhaps) satisfy their own – family = full of life – egos, especially those whose work is based around the science of language and its betterment for the human race – who darn well should know better.

It quite reminds me too of the Pharisee in the front pew of the temple, thumping his cra, whilst worshipping and telling God, how far better a person he was, and not like the dirty slobberer at the back of the church, who was different, and “lonely” and didn’t give a damn at all. People will families do invariably at some stages have their lives changed by circumstances, so, who is to say, that they will always have families on their doorstep to boost their egos and give them the confidence needed to belittle others by using the “lonely” terminology to degrade others. Complacency is a convenient mantle to adorn, when loneliness doesn’t enter ones world. Notwithstanding the fact that the wrong-doers may need to be severely reprimanded, but, please not at the expense of using mockery, and a word that legitimately signifies pain to countless vulnerable people. However, it can be the ones who have been sheltered the most, who can be the ones who will find it hardest to come to terms with loneliness  if and whenever they do happen to find themselves without their spouses or children to hide behind. Loneliness can come knocking on the door at the dead of night. and I’m telling you, it’ll then surely awaken them, so much so that using the “lonely” word to snipe at people will alas be projected back to themselves, that’ll they’ll be sorry that they used the word as a tool to get at others. Irrespective of the justification they may have felt primarily in using the word, it does not enhance social justice thinking, and is totally disparaging to those who are on their own and who are vulnerable and have the propensity to suffer with aching loneliness.

Look at me I have a father. Look at me I have a brother or two or three or four…. Look at me I have a sister or two or three or four or even five… Look at me I have a mother. Look at me I have a spouse. Look at me I have an uncle or two or three or four or five… Look at me I have an aunt or two or three or four or five… See: I can use the lonely word, because I’ve got so much back-up of family and the lonely word is just a word to be bandied about to anyone who happens to cross my path or those of any of my friends. See: I’ve got one up on you, because I can use language that’ll intimidate and enrage and bring you down, because I have the power of language at my feet and know the buttons to press to bring down detractors. I do not do “lonely, ” because I have a family to hide behind. So there – all you trouble-makers out there who have problems with life, get some help for your loneliness, as you you are all just a blot on the landscape of family-oriented families.

There is nothing more in the world that boosts survivors of industrial *schools,* than to be given Christmas and birthday cards and small gifts. It makes them realise that they are real people. They belong to the world. They feel good about the fact that someone has gone to the trouble of ear-marking and writing their names on cards. Survivors of industrial *schools* have gargantuan issues surrounding stuff like this, which can be very misunderstood by those who’ve never known what it is like to be deprived of one’s name and age and who were called by their numbers for most of their childhood.

It has rained cats and dogs. I was talking to a person on the other side of the world, and it was also raining were they were. Better than the snowy weather of 2010.

I would like to wish all survivors of Goldenbridge a good day. I know that most of them will be feeling down in the dumps and be taken back in time to the days in Goldenbridge, when they were at the mercy of good people, who would have taken them out of the industrial school over Christmas period.


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